VANITY

Staring into the deepest parts of the heart and conscience we can see the truth, the facts and values of life but we can also see the lies and deceit we have to bring forth to make ourselves comfortable. Why is that necessary? Why do we have to lie and pretend to make it all perfect?
Why do we have to disguise and portray ourselves as what we are not, just to prove our worth to the society, to feel expensive, and to increase self-worth even when true nature itself is clear and priceless, you are worth more than what the society thinks of you, you are priceless. “Fronting” only comes temporarily and instead of making one look expensive and worthy, it makes one cheap and predictable… The observer knows this and doesn’t say a thing but in his\her heart one is plain immature and senseless… The observer wonders if he\she too should front and act the same way to balance nature at that exact time or to just take the bold step of being the matured one and leave the observed alone. In the true sense it’s not easy being real. Reality itself feels unreal sometimes. In all everything is VANITY!!!

WHAT’S A MAN TO DO?

Was lying down on my bed today, trying to sleep off after a very tiring day, I had put on my favorite bed time playlist which I titled “SLOWS” and then my mind strayed away, like it always does when I listen to such kind of songs, it was Usher’s “ What’s A man to do” that was playing this time, I particularly listened to the lyrics this time, the first two lines went like this,
“I’d be lying if I didn’t see it coming”
“It would be more of a lie if I said I didn’t want it to be something”
And then the 4th and 5th lines went;
“You wouldn’t believe, but I’ve got love for you”
“Big love for you, even when am tripping”
Then the chorus goes (Only parts that related to me);
What’s a man to do when he’s loving two?
He don’t wanna lie but he can’t tell the truth,
What’s a man to do when he’s loving two
But he can’t keep his heart in two different places……
I got the lyrics and yeah it had a lot to do with what I was going through…….Here is the story:
1st girl, she had a boyfriend, I had a girlfriend, we got very close, we shared a lot in common and we still do, When she had problems with her boyfriend, she always ran to me for advice, I also ran to her for advice when I had problems with my girlfriend, little did we know that with that, little by little, day by day, we were opening up our vulnerability to each other, because from my own part, I got to really like her, now she’s broken up with her boyfriend and am no longer with my girlfriend, now I’ve gotten to really like her, no doubt, my heart is with her and there are a lot of things to show she’s into me too.
2nd girl, It was a random day, I got into my car, to go visit a friend and then I get to his house and he tells me there’s a friend’s birthday and am like lets go, since I really had nothing planned for the day, then just before we got to the party, he’s like, he wants to pick up a friend and then, we got to the friend’s place, a slim fair, pretty lady walked out, my eyes popped, but it was just for a moment, because for me, external beauty counts but not as much as what’s in the inside, well I was introduced to the girl and I liked her voice, the accent was unique, well I got to know her with time and yeah, she’s was the kind of person I had always wanted to date, we spent a lot of time together, it was one of my best moments ever, hanging out with her, with time I asked her out, she told me, she wasn’t ready for a relationship, the only girl to have ever told me NO, but thing is it made me like her more and we even got closer, now I think she’s ready for a relationship.
So now the thing is I love both girls, I don’t want to lie to the 2nd girl why I don’t want to date her and I don’t want to tell her the truth either, because deep within me I really want to be with her, but I also want to be with the 1st girl too and I don’t want to be with her when my heart is with the 2nd girl at the same time. What am I to do when my heart is in two different places?

PROBLEMS

Am sitting down, a lot running through my mind, a lot of problems to solve, a lot of questions to answer, mixed emotions, one minute am happy, then the next minute a sudden thought of a problem comes to mind and then am sad again and then as I sit and look at nature, I see the green leaves around, can see the flowers blossom in their beauty, the birds feel so free in their flight, the gentle breeze blows on me and for one moment I can feel the stillness and calmness of life, just then my sight shifted to something just beneath me, it was the little creatures that caught my attention, I saw as one tried lifting a little piece of bread, it tried and tried but could not, at that point, that was its own problem, am sure with a lot of questions too, am thinking the ant must have been asking itself at that point, how do I lift this piece of bread alone, how do I get it home, is it small enough to enter my home, how do I even get it home without any other getting to see? Then I noticed something really surprising, the ant goes to call other ants and they start lifting the piece of bread and as they did this more ants started joining to help, till the piece of bread got home easily.
I learnt these lessons
 Everyone has problems, no one is free from problems, no matter how small, big, young or old you are
 No problem is unique, someone somewhere has faced similar problems before, therefore every problem has a solution
 Be ready to tell others your problem, like it’s popularly said “a problem shared, is a problem half solved”
 People are always ready to hear what you have to say and are ready to help, so don’t shy away from sharing your problems
 Deep within there’s love in everyone’s heart, there are always emotions for a person suffering, show love to people, people show love to you, no one suffers, life goes by easily.

SO NEXT TIME YOU ARE FACED WITH A PROBLEM, DON’T KILL YOURSELF OVER IT, IT’S NOT PERCULIAR TO ONLY YOU, JUST PUT UP A SMILE AND TELL SOMEONE. SOMEONE CARES………….

GOODBYE

I remember that phone conversation we had some years ago? When I Asked you out, when everything seemed right between us, everything seemed so perfect, I could do anything to make you happy and to see you. We were so young bout I knew what I wanted; I have always known what I want in life. I was shy whenever you were around me, but never shy with you on my heart’s intentions. My goal was the love of a lifetime and a lifetime of love together. That is not much to ask, is it? That was me, swinging for the fences and expecting great things. It will always sadden me that I did not get to share that life with you. You may have thought that you have forever missed out on that life with me. That is not true. If at any time, you boldly step forward and state that you want nothing more than a lifetime of love with me, you would receive a seemingly unending hug and a shoulder wet with my tears. Instead, you have made some relationship decisions that have troubled me. You are a good and trusting person, but I think you are also vulnerable due to the unresolved sorrows in your life. I am saddened that my love wasn’t able to do more to heal your heart. I feel this won’t really touch you. It is very disheartening to know that am now out of your life. I thought I accounted for more in your life. So, this is goodbye. I will miss you Faire Princess, just as I have for like ever that I have been away from you. My heart was never really satisfied unless I was holding you in my arms. I have loved loving you and being loved by you. You have grabbed hold of my love and embraced it like no one else ever has. Please let me know when life allows you to enjoy a warm hug, a good meal and one of our loving heart-to-heart talks on the couch. I will look forward to that day... if it ever comes.Goodbye My Love

CHANGE - MAKING UP

Making up to me, actually means covering up. It could be covering up for something that failed you, something you failed in or something you just think and know you can do better in The sooner we realize our mistakes, the sooner we go go back through time, not literally, but in out thoughts, or better put, the sooner we go back memory lane and pick out things, pick out situations, pick out flaws in time past, the better for us, because the first step to solving a problem is realizing our mistakes, we all have hearts, we can't know we went wrong somewhere and just decide not to chage that, it might take time, because change is not a one time thing, its a process, we all need to realize that we fall alot of times, but the most important thing is not how many times you fall, its about how many times you are ready to rise up, its all part of the change process, don't give up in what you are ready to change, we all need to make-up for where we went wrong, for where we failed and trust me, it will work out for you, if you believe in what you're doing , everyone deserves a second chance, give yourself a second chance, don't look down at yourself, we fall only to stand up stronger. Give yourself a chance, give others the chance to change and make up for your wrongs, because we all deserve the chance to.

FRIENDSHIP

I never really knew you
thought you’ll be just another friend
But when I got to know you,
I let my heart unbend.
I couldn't help past friendship memories
that would only make me sit, think, laugh and cry
I had to forget the bad and remember the good
and give my friendship with you a try
So as a friend I want to trust you
And I want you to trust me too
and I'll never let you go
I’ll treasure you more than anyone else
I just had to let you know
And if you ever wonder why
I don't know what I'll say
But I'll never stop wanting you
as a friend each and every day
My trust for you will never change
Just know u can always have my trust
hope I can always have urs too?
Just remember one thing I’ll always appreciate the
opportunity you’ve given me to be a friend

THANX FOR BEING MY FRIEND TOO

Did I just LIKE, or was it LOVE?

I had this funny feeling in me when I met you, I could feel all the normal rush of blood to my heart and head, I had goose bumps when I was around you or each time I heard your name, I saw everything in your face as being perfect, your cute little eyes, your little pointed cute nose, your small lips and the way they formed when u smiled also how your chin rose up. Every curve on your body was so perfect, when you spoke, it was like a harmonious choir singing, when we talked, you had a way of making me listen to you with full concentration and I always looked forward to the next time we spoke. I saw you being the one for me as time went by we were kind of getting real close, I was happy, you were happy, I had never smiled like that before, you also told me no one had ever made you smile that much, I was becoming so fond of you……..then as someone once said, “when everything seems to be going on well, just check it, a lot of things are going wrong”. Just then, just when I thought we were at the peak, everything came crushing down so fast like the law of gravity was taking its course, which is everything that goes up will surely have to come down except the force exerted on the object is strong enough to overcome gravity, guess that’s what we didn’t have, the force wasn’t strong enough, everything just had to fall down, everything just had to end……Now I ask myself, did we just like each other …..Or did we love each other indeed??????? I started noticing the odd spots on your face, you did the same too, I noticed how lousy you could be, you noticed how quiet I could be, I noticed the squeaks in your voice, you noticed the dark patches on my lips, I pointed out all the bad in you and you did the same to me, you easily got angry, I easily got angry too.
Guess we just liked each other and it wasn’t love, because just like the law of gravity, everything that goes up surely has to come down ({(I’ll equate this to the stages of likeness, infatuation and lust)}) except a stronger force is exerted to overcome gravity. I guess that stronger force is LOVE, it’s the only feeling that should never turn sour…..It’s one of the very few things that disobeys the law of nature, it’s so special……GUESS I NOW KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE AND LIKENESS…..